With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, and knowing that most of you will probably be curled up in a ball sobbing relentlessly into your pillows, I thought it was high time that I unleashed the secrets of getting a girl into gaming.

You may already have a girlfriend, or you may have a terrified teenager shackled to your washing machine in the basement. Either way, here are some handy tips to get the old ball and chain to start enjoying video games.

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In 1989, a movie was released that promised to be the ultimate film about the gamer. A movie where Fred Savage and his mentally impaired brother would fight against the powers that be (their parents) to become the video game champions of the world.

Where Nintendo would shamelessly flaunt every product they had, and at the end launch the most anticipated game of the late eighties. Where 10-year-old kids were able to travel across the country alone without ringing any bells. Where the Power Glove was king.

This movie was The Wizard, and I’m here to tell you how much it rocked. Please note, there are spoilers. Awesome spoilers.

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Last year I turned the world of video game unboxing videos upside down when I created my own personal unboxing video for the PSPgo.  Well it appears that those crafty game designers over at 2K Games have seen my incredible piece of cinematic brilliance, and have decided to one-up it with their own Bioshock 2 Special Edition unboxing video.

I must admit that the beginning of their video starts out as you would typically expect, with some random person boringly taking everything out of the box, but by the end they take it to a whole new level.  Trust me when I say you need to watch this, as it’s just pure comedic genius. Read more… »

Real Time Strategy: heroin of the hardcore gaming landscape, its consumption not only draining, but soul destroying; its almost sensual draw is intense and powerful. Addicts are careful, for detection is the first step of their inevitable intervention.

The smart ones hide their gear; Red Alert 2 are discs “misplaced” in the depths of a desk drawer, Zero Hour permanently in the drive. Starcraft cracked and shortcuts forged because the mind alerting Zerg are the highest grade of purity known to gamer.

Have you ever been addicted? I was, before I was saved. Saved by the power of gaming diversity itself, the divine being that dripfeeds that cleansing variety, the wonderous balance.

But one cannot truly be cleansed. My past was a sordid one, full of micromanagement, nuke cannons and overlord tanks. Zerg rushes and cannon spams. Follow me as I detail my road to ruin, and my subsequent path to redemption.

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[Every Thursday is Retro Day at Gamer Limit, so kick back and enjoy the classics. Feel free to check out our full schedule right here!]

Bringing awkwardness to another level is this week’s Retro Ad. Who would have thought that combining the annoying kid from E.T. with your friendly local pervert could produce such an uncomfortable 30 seconds?

Hit the jump to see how Intellivision marketers dropped the ball on this one.

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It seems like every day there are more and more glitches popping up in popular games with outcries of, “Screenshot or it didn’t happen!” and other such cries for proof. The Defend The House Clan, or DTHClan for short, is stepping up to the plate with a series of videos surrounding popular “myths” in the latest addition to the Call of Duty family.

The video explores such things as knifing mirrors in the barber shop and exploding planes with the Predator missile from the game. Some of them are quite outlandish, while others are easy to believe and can finally put the rest the cries of, “That’s not true, because it didn’t happen to me.”

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Have you ever wanted to learn another language, but just couldn’t find the time? Always wanted to explore the exotic culture of gaming industry marketers and executives, but held off because you couldn’t master the native tongue? Well, wait no longer, friends!

With our patented (in the Czech Republic) system, you’ll be speaking confidently about maximizing shareholder value in no time. This comprehensive program covers multiple PR dialects, such as CorporateSpeak, Legalese, and even Euphemisms! Still not convinced?

After the break, we’ll give you a short but tantalizing taste of what our course has to offer — FOR FREE!

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Typically during the holiday season, people are scrambling around like busy little ants, trying to buy presents for their family and friends.  If any of these individuals have ended up on your naughty list, it can be difficult to decide what to get them. It’s an unfortunate reality that sometimes you have to buy presents for the people you hate, even if you don’t want to.  Those of you who have big families understand this perfectly.

Well this year, Gamer Limit has decided to help you empty your wallet by providing a list of gifts for those hated gamers in your life.  Givers beware, you should only give these games and gadgets to those who you despise most.  To gift them to someone you actually like would be a cruel act, for these are the worst of the worst the video game industry has to offer in 2009. Read more… »

“Well met, gaming travellers! I’ve been expecting you. When you’ve worn the red robes of a Game Master, you learn to sense the needs of players. You yearn to learn more of a simpler time, when MMOs were defined by two dimensions. A time when playing online meant playing Ultima Online.

I can transport us back into that realm borne of the imagination of Garriott, if your will is strong enough. Hold the number 1997 in your minds. A year when Hanson sang “MMMbop” while astronomers watched Hale Bopp. A year when Clinton tripped and injured his knee while the first all-woman team walked proudly to the North Pole.

It’s working! Quick, follow me over the jump into the time portal!”

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In the history of gaming, developing quality AI partners has always been a tremendous challenge.  While very few dev companies can pull off the miracle, many fail utterly.  And no matter how grand Valve’s latest title may seem, it suffers from incompetent AI as well.

Since Left 4 Dead 2 focuses on multiplayer, we can never get too upset toward dumb AI.  In fact, the only people to blame is yourself for playing single-player in the first place.  Nonetheless, this is quite hilarious and should be seen by everyone. Read more… »

Many of us have spent countless hours slaughtering the hordes of enemies in video games who get in our way.  We snuff them out of existence in a heart beat, yet all they were doing was performing a task someone else ordered them to do.  Those goombas and piranha plants are someone’s mother, father, son, daughter, brother, or maybe even sister, but we never stop to consider that.

Matthew Taranto, who writes the online comic Brawl in the Family, cares about all those dead enemies and their families.  To celebrate his 200th comic he’s actually written a song dedicated to them entitled “Ode to Minions.” It’s a heartfelt tune about all those hard working bad guys who are simply trying to work a 9-to-5 day job to put food on the table.

Come on inside to watch the “Ode to Minions” music video.  You’ll never look at bad guys the same way again. Read more… »