Ladies and gentleman of the gaming world, please say hello to Mr. Cheerful Casual Gamer. If he’s lucky there will be another cheerful casual gamer in the lobby.

“Hi there friend, where you from?” Looking for more than just a fragfest and a high score Mr. Cheerful Casual Gamer has just ‘popped online’ for a ‘quick game’ and wants to have a chat while in the lobby waiting for the game to start.

“I’m from Pleasantville” replies Mr. Never Been Online Before.

“Will you guys shut the hell up.” Mr. Grumpy interrupts. Mr. Grumpy often expresses his distaste at mild mannered conversation and will swiftly attempt to stamp out the flames of happy feelings for those who are unfortunate enough to be in a good mood in his lobby. Oblivious to the intensity of Mr. Grumpy’s feelings of contempt Mr. Casual Gamer might try to continue with the chit-chat, and why not? He reasons, there are 55 seconds until the game starts.

“So, Pleasantville huh? Nice, I hear the weather there is real nice at time of y…”
“Oh my gaaaaaawd! No waaaaay! How did you get to like level fifty?! That is sooo cool. I wish I was level fifty” interrupts young Master Hyper-active Squeeky Voiced Boy. Young Master Hyper-active Squeeky Voiced Boy won’t be looking for an answer to his question as his attention span is far too short to wait, “I’m amazing at this map, i’m gonna like totally kick your asses at this…”

“I don’t think so,” replies someone else.

Mr. Plays it Properly doubts everyone else’s chances of beating him because he is setting up a new class for the game, using only authentic weapon layouts and skills that ‘properly reflect the true grittiness of war.’ His strategy and tactics (taken directly from the Marines Handbook) will help him win the day.

“Oh yeah? I will, I’m gonna kick your ass so har…. WHAT? WHAT MOM?! O.K I’ll be there in a minute, just one more game! Oh man, no way, just one more, then I’ll eat….. ok…”

Young Master Hyper-active Squeeky Voiced Boy has disconnected…

“Thank god for that,”  sighs a relieved Mr. Grumpy, staring dejectedly at the countdown clock, 35 seconds is going to feel like an eternity to him.

Scorchios54 has entered the game…
Diamond Essechi has entered the game…

“Eeeeeey ceracha ehio mummbly mummbly eh?”
“Waaaa ha ha, es se ciro del bumblebastiones!”
“Ahahahah!”

“What?” Asks Mr. Grumpy.
“Treso mummbly, wacka del mistiro mummbly blah blah Sniper Rifles-es” continues Mr. Random Language
“Oh my, will you shut up?” requests Mr. Grumpy, feeling very grumpy.
“Hey mister, why don’t you go and +++vile insult removed+++” retorts Mr. Learned Insults From TV (a long time friend of Mr. Random Language possibly).

Mr. Grumpy doesn’t want to be grumpy, but he has heard it all before and dearly, sincerely, passionately just wants to get on with the game. He can feel his blood begin to boil, he knows he is reaching Uber Grump levels of stress (not helped by the fact it is 4am where he is) but notices the countdown timer has reached 2 seconds and decides against becoming Mr. Rage. The rage subsides. Mr. Grump begins to wonder why he gets so worked up.

Waiting for response…..
Waiting for response…..
The host ended the game….
Returning to lobby…

Countdown until game starts 2 minutes…

Mr. Grumpy experiences a manifestation of pure rage. Anger wells up into his blood stream, his veins pulse with pure venom… he fights to control it but one spark could ignite his wrath.

Stone Island Stoner69 has entered the game…

“Whoa, I’m wrecked, I’m serious, I’m so trashed man. I’m like, seriously. Man. Phew.” Mr. Drink and Drugs treads clumsily on thin ice as he enters the lobby. Ignorant of the wall of hatred around the corner.

“Oh great! Well done man! Aren’t you cool? You are so cool, I would LOVE to meet you, I wish I was you.” Mr. Grumpy is stopped in his tracks and a strange and unfamiliar feeling edges cautiously into his mind, he is vaguely amused. Mr. Sarcasm might just have saved Mr. Grumpy from losing his temper and earning himself some complaints for profanity and abuse.

“Hey, thanks man…. I am kinda cool” Mr. Drink and Drugs fails to register a hint of understanding of the sarcasm.

“Hi, where are you from?” asks Mr. Cheerful Casual Gamer.

“I’m from the moon man, the fricking mooooooon.”

“Your mum is from the moon.”

A surprise sniper round of precision antagonism blasts out across the lobby, echoing like a rumble of thunder in an empty warehouse. The insult comes so swiftly that it is gone before anyone can even see whom it came from. It is a new voice and the silence that follows it is eery and full of barely suppressed nervousness, trepidation fills the lobby, who is this newcomer? Is he wit personified? Will his insults humiliate all who stand before them?

Nobody dares speak.

Except of course Mr. Drink and Drugs  ”Oooooh yeah? Well…. your mom is like….. soooo, man. Yeah, she’s ugly. U-G-L-Y! Man, I’m wasted”

“You’re an idiot and I did rude things with you mother and sister” another piercing, withering insult slams into Mr. Drink and Drugs. Unable to think of a reply and unable to ascertain the identity of his new nemesis Mr. Drink and Drugs turns on the first name he reads. Unfortunately that name belongs to Mr. Suppressed Rage (the gamer formerly known as Mr. Grumpy).

“Hey you, your gamer tag name is pathetic” he slurs, followed by a questioning of Mr. Suppressed Rage (the gamer formerly known as Mr. Grumpy)’s sexuality.

“WHY YOU LITTLE BA”
Game Start…

Mr. Grumpy snipes Stone Island Stoner69 -= TEAMKILL =-

As gamers we all have an opinion on the games we play (and indeed opinions of the games that we do not play). in fact, most people will have formed an opinion of games that they have only seen a teaser trailer for and might not be released for months.

“I’m not going to be buy the latest Call of Duty because it is set in WWII.”

But why do we form these opinions of games so early? Why do we take these opinions so seriously? Publishers rightly have the backing of massive marketing and PR divisions. They push huge amounts of money into marketing and, according to Mike Capps back in 2007, speaking as President of Epic Games about the success of the first Gears Of War, it is vital to making a great game realize its potential. “It doesn’t do you any good at all to write the best novel and then put in a closet at home where no one ever sees it. It’s so unfortunate that I can list 20 games that were fantastic games that nobody ever heard of, nobody ever saw.”

It could be that it is these marketing messages vying for our attention, desperately pleading for us to consider them, that leads us by the hand to making quick judgments on games even when we haven’t played them.

But what do we, the gaming community really want? If the marketing departments were to suddenly go holiday together we would be deafened by the silence, forced to consider games on their merits… on how they play. All of a sudden, an incredible thing would happen, we would realize what it is that we really want to be playing.

Something that would be pretty high up on a lot of people’s wish-list would be more interactive environments, where real-world physics were implemented across the board, not just when and where it suits “the gameplay.” Who doesn’t want properly destructible buildings and terrain that is scarred and reshaped by a raging battle?

Not just in some games, but all games. To be able to pick up anything, to use that object both for its intended use and as my imagination sees fit. To interact with the other people in this environment properly and meaningfully.

No consumer industry can live without listening to the customer and obviously the gaming industry falls under the influence of this rule like any other. Indeed we have seen much sort after new features being implemented properly as the technology of gaming has advanced. Just look at the living cities of Grand Theft Auto, the effects of fire in Far Cry 2 and the destruction in Battlefield Bad Company to name a few.

Does the gaming industry give us what they think we want? Do they dictact what we think we want? Or do we not even know what we want?

So… what do we want?

Do we want more people in a multiplayer game at once? Do we want bigger and more outrageous weaponry? Who wants futuristic hyper-speed racing, or do we want ultra realistic simulations of modern day vehicles on meticulously recreated real-life race tracks? How many amongst us want set-piece cinematics in preference to open ended sand box gameplay? Are we crying out for another super hero? Are we bored of the “healthy gaming” phenomena?

Where do we start? Well, one thing that has not really been done, and might prove to be an interesting start point could be building upon the realistic reactions to being shot. Way back in 2000 enemy soldiers in Perfect Dark would limp away trailing blood when shot in the leg, hold their arm when winged and surrender when having their weapon shot out of their grasp and plead not to be killed (sometimes even slowly shuffling away sideways when you’re not looking).

The next simple step would have been to integrate this into enemy soldiers being incapacitated and unable to fight back but not actually be dead. It would be interesting to muddy the waters of the bad guy being either dead, or alive. Might even provide interesting moral questions. Was he even a “bad guy” in the first place?

With new profiles of gamers entering the arena the answer to the question of what we want will prove to be more divers than ever. The over 40′s being brought to the industry by the Nintendo DS will have a wholly unique wish-list when compared to the Wii-fit inspired healthy gamer.

So we are waiting Mr Games Developer, waiting for you to deliver some that we want… even though we might not know what it is right now.

But what, I ask, do we want?

Ladies and gentleman, making its way to the ring, weighing in at around twenty-five English Pounds, the current undisputed wrestling game champion…. the one, the only, WWE Smackdown Vs Raw 2009!

As the bell rings what can we expect from this little encounter?

Looking at the box we are promised “high-impact double team moves and new bone-crunching tag team finishers,” “an innovative user interface” to “design the most devastating finisher ever” and the new “inferno match” alongside an “all new season mode.”

Like other sports games the promise of a new season is something that really should be expected and not something that warrants the ‘wow factor’ of a shiny new feature, which is probably my main gripe about the game, and indeed the series as a whole. Sure WWE Smackdown Vs Raw 2009 (a less than catchy title) brings some new moves to the table, and sometimes through the table too, but it would be nice to have seen something a bit more innovative.

The new inferno match disappoints and appears to solely involve beating up your opponent until the temperature gauge reaches a certain level and attempting to strong grapple your opponent into the flames. Unfortunately it soon becomes a bit repetitive as your opponent wriggles free of his hot destiny for the seventh time in a pre-scripted animation leaving you wondering what you have to do to make them burn before boredom makes you throw yourself into the fire just to end the match.

An innovative user interface appears to be so entirely devoid of innovation as to be invisible. Although for a user interface to be not noticed at all is probably as compliment. Graphically the game is a good, with strong likenesses for all of the superstars and the created wrestlers are not noticeably different.

But what about online? The future of gaming?

Surely the people who watch this brilliant soap opera of pre-rehearsed moves and choreographed matches would be falling over themselves to utilize the “Highlights Reel” feature to create some truly entertaining matches? So, with a newly-created wrestler all set-up, complete with a dramatic entrance made from the ‘Create An Entrance’ mode, which is simple if a little low on the customization options especially the music range which is very limited, I await the attribute allocation screen to tailor my wrestler; an unsavory grungy ninja, but am disappointed to discover that in order for him to increase from his rating of 35 to nearer the standard of the most pathetic superstar (starting at around rating 83) you need to slog through dozens of matches in the Career Mode. With each match rewarding only a couple of points per match, some gamers will soon be calling it quits at rating 54. Not everyone will want to create a customer wrestler but those who do will be rewarded with a rich array of moves and appearance options which, whilst making the whole process fairly time consuming, is richly rewarding.

One nice feature to keep the player from simply blasting through the Career Mode in as quick a time as possible is the inclusion of challenges that unlock after hitting certain criteria; using a weapon a certain amount of times or being made to bleed but still winning the fight, for example. Additionally you could also unlock certain skills to enhance your wrestler, some being more difficult to stumble across than others. These include new abilities such as being able to make new moves or utilize weapons more effectively via grappling.

The match mechanics are a little inconsistent however, based on a well balanced foundation of timing your actions, be they attacking or countering. Unfortunately the AI, whilst initially embarrassingly incompetent, will suddenly become super effective at countering your every move later in the career stages no matter how unpredictable your attacks are. You might soon find yourself turning off disqualifications and going outside looking for a hammer just to even up the odds.

Being able to choose a pre-set name for your custom made finishing move which the commentators will use during the match is a nice touch which helps the realism, although the crowd response is a little watery and sometimes feels a bit mis-timed. With a little thought the game could be made much more crowd interactive than it is currently, a key mechanism in the entertainment value of the WWE.

Back to the multi player, with The Ninja tooled up with a few special skills, a nasty looking finisher from the ’Create A Finisher’ mode, I take to the XBox Live arena hoping to have a nice theatrical fight and some entertaining chair shots whilst possibly making a few Hot-Tags in the process (recreating classic tag-team moments with a pre-animated sequence that requires the correct button to be pressed at when prompted in order to clear the ring of your opponents). Unfortunately when I find my way online, what I find is what I sincerely hoped I would not find…

Online I immediately join a four man free-for-all and last approximately two minutes with my underrated wrestler. Being completely obliterated by young children with super ranked up uber-wrestlers who have programmed in the most effective moves to enable them to win was not my idea of fun, and being made to watch the remainder of the fight or risk being labeled with dropping out wasn’t great either. The following matches all followed a similar path only made worse by some killer lag which meant my wrestler responded long after I instructed him to move/punch etc.

I pleaded with my opponents to just have a fun match of violence and not worry about the result but found myself demolished time and time again by ultra competitive gamers, even in non-ranked matches. I had sincerely hoped that the online experience would have been all about entertaining and not competing but this just doesn’t seem the case, which is a shame because the Highlight Reel feature is both simple and enjoyable to use.

So, with a heavy heart you might find your way back to the one player and set about bolstering your wrestler to a higher rating. The fact of the matter is this, if you’ve played one of the games in this series you will know exactly what to expect from this episode. The ever present loading screens which have dogged the series since its inception are disappointingly still far too lengthy although there is the option to speed things up a little by turning off the entrances.

Whilst the Road to Wrestlemania story mode is nicely done with custom commentary (which in general is of a pretty low standard with far too much repetition but made more interesting with the addition of storyline specific dialogue) I can only recommend this game to those die-hard wrestling fans who want the up-to-date rosters. For those new to the series I would recommend picking up a previous year for a nicely discounted price (series such as this are notoriously bad at holding their value) and see what you think before buying new.

Reviewer’s note: The Xbox 360 version was tested for this review

I’m sure many of you have sat down with a couple of fellow gamers and argued over the epic questions. One of those might have been regarding what the most successful console has been when it comes to game sales. So what I did was pour over a ridiculous amount of sales and console data to provide you with the answers, and the outcome I eventually developed is one that might surprise a few people. Not only that, but the list that follows behind it is equally as intriguing and controversial.

Technically speaking the highest selling game of all time was, for many years; Super Mario Brothers. This however is due to it being packaged with the Nintendo Entertainment System “selling” around 40 million copies worldwide. In a similar way including console packages, Super Mario World (released with the SNES) has “sold” 20 million copies, Super Mario 64 (N64) 11 million, Tetris (Gameboy) 33 million, Super Mario Land (Gameboy) 14 million and Sonic The Hedgehog (Mega-drive/Genesis) 4 million.

But this has recently been usurped by another console package, Wii Sports (packaged with the Nintendo Wii) has “sold” around 41 million copies. With it’s innovative physically interactive gameplay Wii Play has “sold” around 21 million copies, however many believe this to be an untrue sales figure due to mainly being bundled with a peripheral.

Wii Fit on the same system has sold over 14 million copies and is sold with a peripheral which is specific to the game, therefore many might argue that this should be a stand alone sales figure as the peripheral does not have any other uses aside from the game. The Wii continues its phenomenal sales record with Mario Kart Wii selling around 14 million copies.

Additionally, and equally as controversially, excluding Wii Play from the list the second spot goes to Pokemon Red, Blue and Green, if you include them as pieces of one game, which technically they are; as you cannot complete the total game (by collecting ALL of the Pokemon) without both releases.

All of this begs the question, If Wii Play isn’t considered the number one selling game of all time, and Pokemon is a rather hotly disputed second, what comes in at number one?

Maintaining the controversy Nintendogs is the best selling game of all time with over 22 million sales on the Nintendo DS, however disputes surround it also. Technically 5 different games; Dachshund and Friends, Lab and Friends, Chihuahua and Friends, Dalmatian and Friends and Nintendogs Best Friends it is plausible that the games should be considered individually. Additionally the Nintendogs Best Friends release was actually a bundle package with a special addition DS, adding further fuel to the fire of controversy.

So this all begs the question, based on individual sales of a game, packaged on its own, what (finally) claims the crown of BEST SELLING CONSOLE GAME EVER? This award not surprisingly goes to Nintendo and to a certain mustache wearing plumber whom you might have heard of. Super Mario Brothers 3 released on the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) in 1988 (or 1990 or 1991 depending on where in the world you lived) has amassed sales of over 18 million and built on the success of Super Mario Brothers 2′s sales of 10 million. Interestingly the Nintendo DS version, New Super Mario Brothers has achieved 18 millions sales making it a surprising yet unsurprising success story.

The list that follows in the wake of the mighty Super Mario has some surprising twists of its own. For instance, did you know that Grand Theft Auto San Andreas outsold Grand Theft Auto IV 3-1? Halo 3 only just outsold Halo 2 (by around 100,000 units)? How about Goldeneye on the N64 selling more than Call of Duty 4 and Call of Duty World at War (so far)combined? Space invaders on the Atari only sold around 1million units, and was outsold 7-1 by PacMan? Gears of War 2 has so far sold only as many copies are Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the NES (4 million)?

Taking a broader view, when expansion packs and sales of the original and it’s sequel are taken into account the best selling PC game The Sims has sold over 100 million copies. A mere footnote however when compared with the mighty Super Mario empire with over 200 million combined sales, standing head and shoulders over the now dormant Pokemon franchise with 186 million sales.

But what about the future? Many believe that Call of Duty 4 will become the new title holder, but only time will tell, but one thing is for sure, as gaming becomes more diverse and sophisticated and gamers tastes diverge it will take a truly phenomenal game to knock the crown off the head of Super Mario Brothers 3.

Listed below are some notable games and their approximate sales figures (taken from Gallup, The Guinness Book of World Records and a few other sources) for you to mull over. Obviously the list below is not exhaustive and misses many titles out but should provide answers to anyone who challenges you with a “what about …..” question.

• Nintendogs – 22 million
• Super Mario Brothers 3 – 18 million (Super Mario Brothers 2 – 10 million
• New Super Mario Brothers (DS) – 18 million
• Gran Turismo 3 A Spec – 15 million (Gran Turismo 11 million)
• Grand Theft Auto San Andreas – 12 million (Grand Theft Auto IV – 4.1 million)
• Halo 3 – 8.1 million
• Halo 2 – 8 million (Halo Combat Evolved – 5 million)
• Goldeneye – 8 million
• Street Fighter II – 8m million
• Mario Kart 64 - 8.5 million (Super Mario Kart – 8 million)
• Super Smash Brothers Melee – 7.1 million
• Pac-Man – 7 million
• The Legend of Zelda (NES) – 6.5million
• Sonic the Hedgehog 2 – 6 million
• Gears of War - 5 million (Gears of War 2 – 4 million)
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (NES) – 4 million
• Call of Duty 4 Modern Warfare – 3.7 million
• Space Invaders – 1 million

Please note that all figures are approximations and some figures my now be out of date due to some games still selling at this moment in time.

And to follow up your conversation down the pub, you might want to mention that The House of The Dead: Overkill has recently become a new Guinness World Record holder for Most swearing in a video game with 189 uses of the f-word. Stunning work there Sega.

Introduction:

ATTEN-HUT! Gentlemen, welcome to the Armed Forces Handbook. A collection of examples of good soldiery brought to you by the veterans of the gaming world. In this handy handbook you will find a selection of best practices and technical analysis of tactics and special manouevres perfected by the very best soldiers the (virtual) battlefield has produced. It is recommended that you study the following chapters before entering into any combat situation.

You will information ranging from World War One through to the present day encompassing many theaters of war, including World at War, Modern Conflict and futuristic scenarios such as the Halo project and many others.

Part 1: Rules of engagement

All soldiers must abide by the rules of engagement as set down by the relevant authority. It is worth noting however that in most theaters of operations active today, from the Halo theater, through to the Rainbow 6 and COD theaters the only rules of engagement are as follows:

1. Identify enemy and then shoot to kill

2. Identify something that could be an enemy and shoot to kill

3. Vigorously pursue all enemy and destroy with extreme prejudice.

Part 2: Know your weapons

i) Classical weaponry

In the classic theatre of war the soldier must be familiar with several different weapon systems. These can be roughly categorised as follows:

a) Pistols – Basic sidearm carried by most soldiers. Weapon is pin point accurate at most ranges, excellent for head shots on stationary targets. Will only cause minimal damage however and may require more than one head shot to eliminate targets. Ignore enemy helmets, they rarely work and appear to be mostly used as decoration. Most snipers prefer carrying a pistol whilst moving between positions. It is worth noting that all pistols can be fired as quickly as you can pull the trigger, rates of up to 1000rpm are reported to have been seen.

b) Rifles – The M1 Garand is the most prolific weapon in WWI theaters. They are everywhere. Limited rate of fire and poor medium damage causes this to be a 2nd choice weapon amongst soldiers. They are however fairly accurate in most circumstances at medium ranges. You will find that by looking down the iron sights of this weapon your eyesight will improve slightly. This will enable you to see a bit further.

c) SMGs (Submachine Guns) – The Thompson submachine gun is the most well known within this category and is familiar to every soldier to ever pull on khaki pants. High rates of fire but poor accuracy mean that this weapon is best employed at short range. If fired one shot at a time this weapon can be used at longer ranges as required.

d) Sniper Rifles – Featuring slow rates of fire the sniper rifles appear to be difficult to reload also. Some have remarked that they are unsure why they struggle to reload a sniper rifle “it’s not like it’s a shotgun or anything” but the slow reload rate and bolt action make sniper rifles a poor choice for close range combat. Despite firing large calibre rounds that rip large holes through human tissue most sniper rifles only kill in one bullet when successfully aimed at the head. It is not uncommon to witness a soldier take a sniper round to the leg and not be hindered in anyway by the wound whilst walking/running.

e) Browning emplaced machine gun – Soldiers will find these weapons placed at random points on a battlefield. Despite every other (portable) Heavy Machine gun never overheating, these weapons are prone to stopping working after several seconds of sustained fire. All emplaced weapons are however very accurate, often at long ranges, at can fire many rounds due to their unlimited bullet capacity. It is unusual for a weapon not to require reloading, but there has so far been no reported accounts of emplaced machine guns requiring a reload.

f) Heavy Machine guns – Inferior to their emplaced brethren in that they require reloading periodically (but possessing larger ammunition magazines) these weapons are very inaccurate at all ranges. Despite firing a large calibre bullet these weapons bizarrely do not inflict much damage.

g) Grenades – A standard fragmentation grenade or German Stick “Grenade” should be thrown in the general vicinity of oncoming enemy fighters. Despite their small size they are often difficult to fit in pockets due to their unusual shape. This explains why soldiers often carry very few, only one or two. Grenades are ineffective against tanks and appear to seek out and rebound off almost every object/wall/table/street lamp/tree that is in the general vicinity of the thrower. For this reason beware when throwing. Avoid holding the grenade for two long as self immolation might occur. This will prove deadly IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES. Grenades will penetrate windows with ease as all windows on the battlefield are pathetically flimsy. Please note, it is an unwritten law to hold onto the grenade for three seconds before throwing.

h) Melee weapons – Mainly a knife, but sometimes a wrench or other implement, this weapon should be employed at close range however you will sometimes be surprised by a reach of up to one metre at times. This weapon will only kill one enemy per swipe but will be deadly in almost all circumstances, including leg/arm damage. The most lethal weapon on the battlefield in terms of hits/deaths. Often employed during chance encounters at doorways and corners. The knife is the official weapon of choice for elimination of snipers.

ii) Modern weapon systems

a) Pistols – Modern Pistols do not appear to have advanced technologically at all since the WWII environment. One area of improvement is the additions of suppressive “silencers” to the pistol to enable covert operations. Employing a silencer will reduce the damage the weapon causes. For some reason snipers are fond of using silenced pistols.

b) Assault Rifle – Modern Assault rifles, such as the M16, M4, Ak47 and G36 are familiar to most modern soldiers. Most have the following characteristics:Medium-High Damage, quick rate of fire, small magazine, under-slung grenade launcher. These are the standard choice for infantry on the modern battlefield.

c) Anti-Tank weapons – Primarily designed to eliminate tanks and armoured vehicles, these weapons are appear to be more effective against enemy troops and light vehicles. Even hits against the weak rear and top of tanks does not destroy the vehicle. It is recommended therefore to avoid using anti-tank weapons against tanks. Several shots are often required. The anti-tank weapon is often highly accurate however and with the explosive rounds are ideal for eliminating enemy troops. Fire at the ground around your target’s feet for best results. Despite their bulk anti-tank weapons can usually be fired while on the move.

d) Sniper Rifles – Modern Sniper rifles only differ from their older counterparts by the inclusion of suppressors and sometimes semi-automatic function. However, semi-automatic sniper rifles always inflict less damage than their bolt-action brethren.

e) Melee – The following are recommended protocol for using melee weapons:

1. Rush into an enemy occupied building and start swiping
2. Aim randomly
3. Target Snipers, they are vulnerable to close quarter attacks
4. If you miss your initial swipe circle around the enemy or jump behind them.
5. Never attack corpses, doing this has no significant value and can only lead to death/increased laundry costs. Some less disciplined conscripts have been known to crouch over the face of the fallen enemy, presumably in a form of debase celebration. This behaviour is frowned upon by soldiers over the age of eight years.

f) SMGs – Dealing low damage but boasting high rates of fire and little recoil SMGs are excellent CQB weapons but are a poor choice for longer ranges.

iii) Advanced / prototype weapon systems

a) Battle rifle

Advanced Battle rifles typically boast high rates of fire and medium damage levels. Often with decent capacity magazines and a scope for better aiming.

b) Alien weapons

It should be noted that Aliens never use solid projectile weapons and always seem to develop laser/plasma based weaponry. These weapons will often boast a similar reloading mechanism to most earth based weaponry.

c) Laser weapons

Laser weapons always fire with pin-point accuracy but normally have low rates of fire. Use these for medium to long range and go for the head.

d) Sniper Rifle

Future sniper weapons seem to be identical in operation to their modern day counter-parts, bizarrely they appear to be improvement proof apart from more zoom on the scope.

Part 3: Vehicular identification and utilization

i) Light transports

a) Jeeps, buggies, quads

These vehicles are often discovered in advanced areas of the battlefield at the very early stages of a conflict and often used as a land grabbing utility during flag based operations. If a vehicle starts to vent smoke from the engine beware, the Army Handbook recommends that the occupants disembark immediately to avoid death.

Anti tank weapons are most effective against these vehicles, as are most high calibre machine guns. Veteran soldiers recommend that you pay attention to explosive devices stuck to the vehicle as this indicates imminent suicide. Additionally beware of passengers suddenly appearing next to the vehicle as most vehicles appear to be built with short range teleporters which save the occupants actually climbing out of the vehicle. Most veterans have never actually seen someone CLIMB out of a vehicle.

ii) Armored Fighting Vehicles

a) Troop Carriers, BMP, Bradley.

iii) Helicopters

a) Transport

b) Attack

Fast moving low-flying rotary aircraft can be effectively used at very low altitude. The Army Handbook recommends this instructional video for examples of low flying at speed and long-range observation.

iv) Fixed wing airborne craft

a) Fighter

b) Bomber

Part 4: Know your enemy

i) General Infantry (meat)

ii) Snipers

Snipers can be found in the following places:

• Behind Trees
• On rooftops

iii) Short range combatants (Run & Gunners)

The Army Ranger handbook lists “Standing Order 5. Don’t never take a chance you don’t have to” which is a blatant double negative. This should be interpretted as “Take chances that you don’t have to.” The average run and gunner will live (and die) by this creed. Regularly electing to sprint across open streets under heavy fire, just to get into a room full of the enemy and engage with a shot gun the Run and Gun soldier will expose himself to the maximum risk for easy results.

Knowledge of the enemy’s location and intended objective are imperative, often effectively deployed in King of the Hill and Capture the Flag missions.

Part 5: Basic Military tactics

i) Stand and fight (and die)

According to the Army Ranger Handbook, Standing Order 18 states: Don’t stand up when the enemy’s coming against you. Kneel down, lie down, hide behind a tree. Basically make yourself as small a target as possible. Kneeling/lying down will give you the added bonus of a better firing base and therefore increases your firing accuracy.

ii) Reserved application of firepower (camping)

iii) Covert intelligence utilisation (cheating and exploits)

iv) Commonly experienced situations

The Ranger Handbook states in standing order 19 “Let the enemy come till he’s almost close enough to touch, then let him have it and jump out and finish him up with your hatchet. When you have fired all of the rounds in your weapon and the enemy is still alive, resort to your close ranged weapon to finish them efficiently. Do not reload.

v) Firing from the hip

It is a commonly accepted fact that firing a weapon without aiming it results in a reduced weapon accuracy. Always fire from a stable firing platform, preferrably in a crouch or prone position and fire short controlled bursts. For an example of how not to do this, and excellent examples of blind firing, suppression fire and firing from the hip, please refer to this training video.

Part 6: Advanced Tactical Manouevres

i) Pincer

ii) Defensive deployment

The U.S Army Ranger Handbook states “Standing Order 6. When we march we march single file, far enough apart to that one bullet can’t go through two men”. It is highly recommended that soldiers avoid bunching up, retain at least the explosive area of a fragmentation grenade at all times to avoid multiple casualties.

Avoid standing too close to a comrade who is at a doorway, they might need to retreat at short notice back inside, you will block their path and get you both killed.

iii) Thoughtful kit selection

iv) Lateral thinking

An example: Enemy appoaches your position and commences firing; consider returning fire and retreating behind cover, deposit a grenade in at the corner of the cover that you are using while retreating further. Enemy will encounter grenade. Enemy will struggle to overcome sudden dismemberment.

v) Enemy movement prediction / Reconnaissance

The U.S Counter Insurgency Handbook states, section 3-139 “Overt area and zone reconnaissances are excellent means for tactical unit to learn more about their area of operations, especially the terrain, infrastructure, people, government, local leaders, and insurgents” and “allows commanders to fill intelligence gaps.” It is a worthwhile endeavour to progress to the expected point of contact with the enemy via an indirect route. Taking time to find a vantage point will help you uncover ambushes and reveal troop numbers. Dense foilage, hills, rooftops etc provide excellent surveillence points. Even if you don’t stay long, make sure you know what’s ahead by using reconnaissance.

Additionally, ensure that you make mental note of places where you encounter enemy vehicles, you will discover that certain enemy soldiers will have preferred routes through the battlefield. Ensure you set up effective ambushes along these routes. WARNING: Advanced Soldiering technique requried:- Patience.

vi) Enemy Base of Operations Siege warfare (Spawn Raping)

Vii) Camoflage

An explanatory video on camoflage can be found by following this link.

Part 7: In conclusion

THE U.S ARMY RANGER CREED:

Recognize that I volunteered as a Ranger.
(YOU got yourself into this. YOU selected your side, YOU chose your guns, YOU didn’t choose another game. You must bear the dangers you will face on the battlefield without frustration, without anger or cussing)
Acknowledge that a Ranger is an elite soldier.
(You must realise that you have skills beyond the average noob and therefore must not become frustrated by their difficiencies and lack of understanding of the game)
Nerver fail your comrades
(Never leave half-way through a battle, never leave your post/joypad during a fight to go to the toilet/eat, never change sides to improve your win/loss ratio)
Gallantly show the world you are specially selected and well trained.
(Offer help to noobs and suggest tactics to your comrades, take leadership in squads)
Energetically meet the enemy
(Be online every hour of every day, give up your job, decline to eat, your virtual country needs you!)
Readily display the intestinal fortitude required to fight.
(Play on past your self imposed play limits, don’t go to sleep at 1am, don’t stop playing because your partner asked you to)

Reference:

THe U.S Army Ranger Handbook

The humble “Joy Pad” has its origins in the even more humble “Joystick.” Those of us who are so old we think of the Neolithic Era as “the good old days” will pretend to remember the very moment of creation, the stage of gaming evolution which was the equivalent of when the fish crawled out of the water and life took to the land, a magical time known only as 1977 (or as it is known to the gameratii”Atari Time”). However as we are so old our memories are easily confused, so we get the internet on the case and make a cup of tea.

With the advent of the Atari 2600 suddenly there was a physical instrument designed to link you to your game. Many philosophers regard this as the defining moment in our evolution, as glorious as man’s first steps on the moon, as important as creating fire, more important than the wheel, our imaginations were about to be unleashed.

Not that many knew it at the time.

A simple yet robust black square fitted perfectly into the hands of anybody who could contort their palms at ninety-degree angles and hook a thumb over onto the single orangey-red fire button. Not content with a singular button Atari also incorporated an 8-way directional stick into the design and decided that “bang in the middle” was the best place for it.

Humankind now had the ability to move in eight different directions AND fire (or jump). Some wondered if the human brain could comprehend such complexity and secret laboritories across the world leapt to investigate.

What Atari started, Nintendo perfected.

Just as the British invented golf, tennis and motorsport and watched as Americans perfected and dominated, Atari’s masterpiece was soon to be surpassed by the irresistable march of technology. Despite independent joystick makers creating multiple button joysticks for systems such as the Commodore 64, these were soon discovered to be simply joysticks with lots buttons that all do the same thing, e.g fire, Nintendo were creating a masterpiece of epoch making proportions (probably in a very secret and very dark underground laboratory with vials of chemicals frothing and lighting arcs fizzing). Even the hi-tech “Auto-Fire” of recent joysticks would soon be overshadowed.

The year is 1985… Mike Tyson makes his boxing debut (and wins in a first round knock-out), Marty McFly is traveling back in time and Nintendo unleash the Nintendo Entertainment System from the heavens; borne on the wings of angels and presented on a cloud of pure gaming nirvana. Humans could interface with Nintendo’s box of joy by grasping a revolutionary control “pad” in their sweaty palms. Nintendo’s control pad was the first great step in two handed gaming control, utilising both hands and employing mans greatest asset; opposable thumbs.

No-one is quite sure why the directional pad was allocated to the left thumb, and the buttons to the right, however legend has it that both thumbs desired the directional pad (d-pad) but after a vote (which ended all-square) it eventually was allocated on an alphabetical basis.

More buttons than Mir.

A simple evolution followed whereby more buttons were added to controllers in what is sometimes remembered as “The Buttons Race.”  During this time two major world factions endeavoured to out-do one another by adding ever increasing number of buttons to their pads until Mutually Assured Destruction loomed and several landmark “anti-button proliferation” treaties were signed and disaster averted.

The NES controller employed two buttons in total (not including the menu buttons) and Sega responded with a two-button Master System control pad. Realizing that they needed more buttons SEGA produced the three-button Mega-Drive/Genesis control pad to take the lead in the buttons arms race. Nintendo however, unveiled their magnificent six-buttoned controller prompting SEGA to release the Mega-Drive/Genesis six-button controller.

Taking the initiative SEGA then released the Saturn system with eight buttons and were quickly matched by a new competitor, SONY with their Playstation controller. Nintendo, masters of one-upmanship took the bull by the horns and released the N64 with it’s tremendous nine-button controller (still not including the Start “menu” button).

Luckily, just as button overload was becoming a reality, common sense prevailed and the buttons race appears to have been consigned to history. It was proclaimed that adding buttons was not necessarily a way to improve gaming and it was suggested by some radicals in the industry that “imagination” would be used by the dark and arcane magicians at Nintendo for their forthcoming Dolphin System.

Proving that they are singularly mad Nintendo not only changed the name of their System to something that sounded quite ridiculous; but they also departed entirely from the traditional joypad design.

“Ah, Mr Innovation… what a pleasant surprise, please come in, long time no see”

Nintendo’s Wii has given us a true revolution in gaming history. Suddenly gaming has been quite literally placed into the hands of a new audience. A new audience who revel in the swinging, pointing and general swishing of physically interactive entertainment. The wireless Wii controller set-up, with it’s “Nunchuk and Wii-mote” design has some very significant, if subtle features. Boasting infra-red aiming via the “Wii-mote” for pointing and shooting, motion sensitivity for acceleration and movement in both handsets, lights to tell you which player you are and even built-in mini speakers for hand-set related effects (gun discharges, tennis rackets and so on). The “Wii-mote” even knows which way up you are holding it.

Many gaming prophets laud the coming of the Wii as the dawning of Total Immersion Gaming, others hold their wired controllers close to their chests and complain at the rise of “Casual gaming.” What is clear however, is that in the gaming ascent of man, we might not yet be standing upright… but we have come a very long way.

Are you new to Gamer Limit? We follow all of the latest games, and still have a passion for everything retro. Check out what we’re about here!

A question everyone asks themselves when faced with another ‘classic compilation’ is ”Why should anyone buy a collection of games that were released on vastly inferior systems with dated graphics and simple gameplay when we have multimillion-dollar franchises and Hollywood actors featuring in open-ended games of intricate story-lines and complex characters?”

The beautiful thing about publishers re-releasing old games is that you can write a review before they are released…

The answer is simple; Museums. Just as people stand before great monuments, buildings and works of art while surrounded by arguably more wondrous inventions, gamers should make sure they partake in retro gaming. Stand before the very history of gaming; it’s characters, conventions, scenarios, genres and finest works and you will find enlightenment. In the same way that an artisan might remark “This is one of the first examples of cubism” these collections will take you on a guided tour of the very roots of the games you play; “This is one of the first examples of digitised speech,” “here is the first example of a jump-attack” “here is Tail’s first introduction”

Looking at the official release information doesn’t tell us much more than we would assume to have been the case from the start. Sega tells us that you can unlock Achievements/Trophies, play the games in HD and also “Two players can now enjoy select titles together on the same console at home” which does not prove to be a massive improvement on the mega-drive which also “featured” two players “on the same console.”

Bumping up a 16-bit game to 720p “hi-def” sounds a bit like painting the pyramids, it would make them look nice but does nothing to change the original beyond mere aesthetics. Although the thought of Blaze from Streets of Rage in hi-def does sound interesting now we think of it…

Hi-Def 2D sprites and hi-score tables

The Streets of Rage series, starting with the first title released in 1991, owes much to the success of the legendary Final Fight coin-op arcade game published by Capcom. Both feature side-scrolling beat-em-up action with weapons and colourful enemies aplenty. The Streets of Rage series became one of SEGA’s most important brands and is regularly found on top 100 lists throughout the gaming world, a definite highlight of the collection. These titles will have you jump-kicking telephone boxes for health and shoulder throwing goons until the proverbial cows come home.

Following on from the subject of throwing goons, the GoldenAxe series appears in the collection also. GoldenAxe was released as a coin-op in 1989 and is one of the older games in the compilation. A side-scrolling hack-and-slash fun fest with Conan The Barbarian inspired environments and story, these gaming gems should still be able to command the attention of the modern gamer. Providing a variety of golden gaming moments the GoldenAxe series is well worth a look, although arguably the first is still the best. Many still remember the first time they repeatedly bashed a mace-wielding grunt over the back of the head with the butt of a sword (accompanied by a magnificent krunk-krunk-krunk effect) or the first time they grabbed an Amazonian Warrior and hurled her off the level into the raging waters, the first time they unleashed the mighty dragon or booted a small elf in the face because he had stolen your magic in the middle of the night. Who will ever forget the first time they dash-jump-piledrived a ten-food tall hammer wielding giant while he stood laughing, wiping the smile from his ugly face? The music too is unforgettable and will bring a smile to the faces of those who are lucky enough to remember playing it. All in all the GoldenAxe and Streets of Rage series make the collection a must own title own their own.

However, there is more…

Nothing much needs be said about the Sonic series as so much has already been said and written about them. It’s enough to say that Sonic was a cooler, faster and edgier iconic reply to the world dominating Super Mario and was deliberately aimed at Mario’s weaker elements of game play (not many). Instead it is worth looking at the peripheral titles, spin offs (excuse the pun) if you please.

The finest example has to be Doctor Robotnik’s Mean Bean Machine. A classic Tetris inspired piece dropping puzzler which involved the classic concept of clearing the screen. An excellent implementation of a simple concept allied with frantic gaming and a two-player emphasis made this title a genuine classic and a definite choice for Tetris lovers who were looking for some thing new. Sonic Spin Ball is another title worth checking out as it provides some interesting twists on the pin-ball genre, such as occasions where sonic walks around (something a traditional pin-ball could never do).

Other true classics on the compilation include the brilliant Shinobi III (resplendent with it’s surfing ninjas and awesome rave-pop soundtrack), Super Thunder Blade (which is Space Harrier in a helicopter) and Ecco the Dolphin. A deceptively difficult and indeed dark game, Ecco the Dolphin offers some genuinely challenging gameplay and defies it’s own marketing and imagery to retain a vaguely sinister feeling as you race against drowning in twisting underground environments.

The compilation also includes a selection of genres to cater for a broad range of tastes including; Kid Chameleon (a diverse platformer) Phantasy Star (RPG), Shining Force (think Final Fantasy Tactics) and Flicky (action) amongst others.

This rich gaming museum features other exhibits which one should find and enjoy for oneselfe as they may contain memories that will come bubbling back to the surface as you re-live those classic moments. Overall a much anticipated walk down the digital memory lane.

Here is the final list of the titles contained in the Musee’ De Sega tour de force known as Sega’s Ultimate Collection:

Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle
Alien Storm
Altered Beast
Beyond Oasis
Bonanza Bros.
Columns
Comix Zone
Decap Attack starring Chuck D. Head
Dr. Robotnik’s MBM
Dynamite Headdy
Ecco the Dolphin
Ecco II: The Tides of Time
E-SWAT
Fatal Labyrinth
Flicky
Gain Ground
Golden Axe I
Golden Axe II
Golden Axe III
Kid Chameleon
Phantasy Star II
Phantasy Star III: Generations of Doom
Phantasy Star IV: The End of the Millennium
Ristar
Shining in the Darkness
Shining Force
Shining Force 2
Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master
Sonic 3D Blast
Sonic and Knuckles
Sonic Spinball
Sonic The Hedgehog
Sonic The Hedgehog 2
Sonic The Hedgehog 3
Streets of Rage
Streets of Rage 2
Streets of Rage 3
Super Thunder Blade
Vectorman
Vectorman 2

Sometimes in life you will find that you have seen or experienced something amazing, and nobody was there to share it.  If you’ve ever seen a shooting star whilst walking alone, or watched a bird of prey swoop down and snatch a mouse before winging away, you will know how it feels. You find yourself wanting to shout “hey! Look at this!” but nobody hears you. You are left standing alone and in awe. These things happen in games too, but now that multi-player is bringing everyone together you never need be alone again. “Did anybody just see that!” you will ask, “yep” will come the reply.

“There’s more to life than beef jerky y’know…”

This is a good thing. Some games just have that “Wow factor.” Sports games are fast becoming a conduit for the amazing. They say if you left a thousand monkeys with a thousand type-writers, they’d eventually write a Shakespearean play. Personally I think that you would be mad to find a thousand monkeys and give them typewriters. I would give them all joy-pads and multi-player games. Give enough people enough games and people will do amazing things. The law of averages says that if something is possible, it is only a matter of time before it happens.

Get the monkeys playing FIFA09 and eventually one of them will score a 40yard overhead kick. Get them on a basketball court and they’ll three-point from under their own basket. Get them on Halo and you’ll see them stickybomb someone through a grav-lift from half the map away. Give them Battlefield Bad Company and you’ll get something that just happened to me…

Ridiculous is just a matter of opinion.

Battlefield Bad Company online multi-player is awesome. The explosions are loud, the sound effects so realistic that you’ll be ducking incoming fire and the visual effects are mighty indeed. Walls blow in, glass shatters, barrels of fuel erupt into the air chased by billowing fire and craters pot-hole the road. It was whilst playing this, something happened, something I will never forget, a moment of majestic madness, utter absurdity, total hilarity and beyond the shadow of a doubt, completely amazing.

Reaching the top of a small sandy hummock I take cover in a shell hole. Hearing an enemy attack chopper closing I hunker down hoping it will pass me by. No such luck however, it starts to come to a low hover, lining up it’s rockets to blast me to pieces. I start to unload my automatic rifle, it won’t do any good but as it’s trailing black smoke already I keep firing. Ignoring my fire it jinks to the right a little…

Then I hear the faint noise of a light jeep cruising up along the road beside me, music blaring, the chopper’s next prey I presume.  Then, just as I bend over to kiss my behind good-bye the jeep veers off the road, the top-gunner blazing away it hits the hill at speed, deflects into the air and launches it self forward. Only two metres off the ground the chopper was a sitting duck and the jeep literally ploughed straight-through it.

Casually, as if nothing had happened the jeep continued on it’s merry way down the road playing rock music as debris and black smoke replaced the chopper in my crosshairs. “Did anybody just see that?!” I ask. “Yep!” comes the reply.