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Have you ever wanted to learn another language, but just couldn’t find the time? Always wanted to explore the exotic culture of gaming industry marketers and executives, but held off because you couldn’t master the native tongue? Well, wait no longer, friends!

With our patented (in the Czech Republic) system, you’ll be speaking confidently about maximizing shareholder value in no time. This comprehensive program covers multiple PR dialects, such as CorporateSpeak, Legalese, and even Euphemisms! Still not convinced?

After the break, we’ll give you a short but tantalizing taste of what our course has to offer — FOR FREE!

The structure of the gaming PR language is very similar to that of the modern English that most of us are already familiar with. Sentence structure, subject/verb relationships, and other foundational syntax is identical to what you already commonly speak and read.

The key to understanding PR lies in the change in meaning of certain words and phrases — this means that if you can master the vocabulary, you can master the language!

To get you started on your path to learning, here are 20 commonly heard PR phrases and their translations. Study them closely, and you’ll be well on your way to corporate gaming fluency!

“iterative design process”: “We screwed it up the first 5 times.”

“focused narrative structure”: rail shooter

“spiritual successor”: out of ideas; just like the last one but with improved graphics

“simple but addictive gameplay”: “We have achievements! … which require you to do the same thing 50,000 times.”

“stark, realistic tone”: grey and brown

“intuitive control scheme”: the game is playable

“80+ hours of enjoyment!”: final boss has 37 forms, or requires excessive grinding (see : simple but addictive gameplay)

“gripping story and character development”: game is 75% cutscenes

“scaling difficulty curve”: enemies have more hit points

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“priced at optimal market value”: highway robbery

“maximizing the IP’s potential”: sequels every 3 months

“innovative peripheral interface”: more plastic crap for your living room

“tradition of risk-taking and innovation”: “Remember that one new IP we launched 5 years ago?”

“promoting user-created content”: full of hacks and exploits

“collector’s edition”: 3 pg. comic book available for $30

“exciting new gunplay mechanics”: Bullet Time. AGAIN.

“extended value and¬†replayability”: multiplayer added 3 weeks before release, or inconsequential moral choices

“in response to player concerns”: “Hey, look guys! It’s another petition! BWAhahahahahaa!!!!1!!1!”

“widening the gamer demographic”: cooking mini-games

“mature story and presentation”: boobies!!

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  1. My favorite ridiculous PR speak in recent memory has to be all of the claims of “dynamic morality systems.” Which, of course, equals the ability to do press one button to do something good, and another button to do something bad.

  2. Here are a couple more:

    “The game has been indefinitely delayed”: It’s never coming out.

    “No release date has been set”: The games more then a year away, so stop asking.

    “immersive gameplay”: Lots of pretty colors to look at.

  3. Pure genius.

    Also, Valve Time.

  4. “Our game offers a lot of value for its price.” : We cut out significant content to sell back to you as DLC, suckers!

  5. Ah I’m familiar with the field this language is found in. The field of BS

  6. avatar randombullseye

    One of the things I list for my game always made me laugh.

    “Characters”

  7. avatar Buy oem software online

    vJ1hWM Pleased to read intelligent thoughts in Russian. I`ve been living in England for already 5 years!…

  8. avatar Ezequiel

    As far as 5D Mark III features I’d like to see -The cuerrnt 21 megapixel full frame sensor is really already amazing enough Images blur out before pixalation occurs so there’s no point in Canon spending extra time/money/effort in upgrading the megapixel count-Somehow achieving a way to record with either a MUCH higher bit rate in similar video codecs compared to what it has now, OR pull off the impossible and create a way for us to record RAW video (and giving us a way to effectively record footage to an external drive or a computer with ease.-Leave the AF to taking stills, DSLR video is really only good for filmmaking which is all done manually anyways. So no upgrade with continuous AF in video mode is necessary-I like the cuerrnt 9-point AF system in the 5DMkII because I only shoot with the center AF point selected anyways (which is what real portrait photographers should be doing anyways), but I used to own the 7D and did like the speed and smaller AF point sizes better-Please Canon totally revamp the body with much better weather sealing! It’s okay now, but I would feel much more comfortable outside in the elements with a battery grip attached if it had a better weather sealing marriage between the body and the dedicated Canon battery grip. Keep the same batteries too, they’re already great!-Maybe improve the on-camera mic to not detect as much camera handling noise when recording video but that’s still basically frivolous because if you were doing anything for production you’d be using an external mic anyways-I never shoot in burst mode because I don’t really shoot sports But even when I do shoot NHL games from time to time, I still prefer to grab one or two really well executed shots of something happening rather than just press and hold the shutter while the camera has a seizure and you lose a ton of storage space in the process. So nothing more than maybe an upgrade to 5fps would be necessary.-WhereI’d love for Canon to spend most of their time and money developing for is the noise control and dynamic range of the image sensor. If they can drastically improve the dynamic range capability and also improve the noise control at ISO 3200 and up, I’d be more than happy.-Wireless flash capability would be extremely nice too, a practical necessity after introducing it in the 7D a couple years ago.-Somehow enabling features like highlight tone priority and Auto Lighting Optimizer for use with RAW shooting as well (cuerrntly only work in JPEG shooting). I know it doesn’t make much sense since it’s in RAW anyways, but there is still SOME processing done to the image to create the RAW file, so it could be nice to have such features enabled for implementation there.-More/higher video framerate options could be nice too, but not completely necessary-PLEASE NO TILTING LCD SCREEN!!! I love the solid robust feel of a fixed LCD tilting ones feel cheap, dinky, and unprofessional.-maybe a higher resolution and slightly larger LCD would be nice thoughSorry for not checking spelling errors and/or autocorrect slip-ups (using an iPad to write this post)

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