Have you ever wanted to learn another language, but just couldn’t find the time? Always wanted to explore the exotic culture of gaming industry marketers and executives, but held off because you couldn’t master the native tongue? Well, wait no longer, friends!
With our patented (in the Czech Republic) system, you’ll be speaking confidently about maximizing shareholder value in no time. This comprehensive program covers multiple PR dialects, such as CorporateSpeak, Legalese, and even Euphemisms! Still not convinced?
After the break, we’ll give you a short but tantalizing taste of what our course has to offer — FOR FREE!
The structure of the gaming PR language is very similar to that of the modern English that most of us are already familiar with. Sentence structure, subject/verb relationships, and other foundational syntax is identical to what you already commonly speak and read.
The key to understanding PR lies in the change in meaning of certain words and phrases — this means that if you can master the vocabulary, you can master the language!
To get you started on your path to learning, here are 20 commonly heard PR phrases and their translations. Study them closely, and you’ll be well on your way to corporate gaming fluency!
“iterative design process”: “We screwed it up the first 5 times.”
“focused narrative structure”: rail shooter
“spiritual successor”: out of ideas; just like the last one but with improved graphics
“simple but addictive gameplay”: “We have achievements! … which require you to do the same thing 50,000 times.”
“stark, realistic tone”: grey and brown
“intuitive control scheme”: the game is playable
“80+ hours of enjoyment!”: final boss has 37 forms, or requires excessive grinding (see : simple but addictive gameplay)
“gripping story and character development”: game is 75% cutscenes
“scaling difficulty curve”: enemies have more hit points
“priced at optimal market value”: highway robbery
“maximizing the IP’s potential”: sequels every 3 months
“innovative peripheral interface”: more plastic crap for your living room
“tradition of risk-taking and innovation”: “Remember that one new IP we launched 5 years ago?”
“promoting user-created content”: full of hacks and exploits
“collector’s edition”: 3 pg. comic book available for $30
“exciting new gunplay mechanics”: Bullet Time. AGAIN.
“extended value and replayability”: multiplayer added 3 weeks before release, or inconsequential moral choices
“in response to player concerns”: “Hey, look guys! It’s another petition! BWAhahahahahaa!!!!1!!1!”
“widening the gamer demographic”: cooking mini-games
“mature story and presentation”: boobies!!
We’ve packed “100+ hrs. of instruction” into this “groundbreaking, engaging, and immersive” language program — offered at the low, low cost of “what the current marketplace conditions will bear”! Don’t delay, pre-order yours TODAY!