[Hello and welcome to The Week in News, your weekly roundup of earth shattering gaming news brought to you by Gamer Limit every Sunday.]
Another Sunday has dawned, which can only mean one thing – it’s time to tear apart the past week and savour the cream of the crop of the latest video game shenanigans.
So join me after the break and let’s get started!
In recent years, Sonic has been brought up as a bit of a misfit. During his fleeting youth, he achieved mass popularity, but since he was adopted by future generations he was forced to conform to things he didn’t want to do.
The demands of these boisterous new consoles meant that Sonic had to uncomfortably merge into the three-dimensional platform and he was soon left with no friends, having alienated all of his peers. These were sad times indeed, but worry no more as Sonic is finally out to hopefully redeem himself. Enter Project Needlemouse, the top secret codename for the next instalment of the series that promises to rebirth the heinous hedgehog into the two-dimensional romp it once was. We’ll be waiting with bated breath.
Sega didn’t stop there either this week, after they formed a disturbing parallel universe whereby the Dreamcast didn’t die a miserable death afterall. Yes, that most cherished of 128 bit memories was revitalised in conjunction with the Dreamcast’s tenth anniversary in the form of a brand new Dreamcast exclusive game, Rush Rush Rally Racing. Which console do you want to see rise from the ashes next?
It’s almost as if Activision has a weekly fixture in this feature. Last week we read about their venture into bad taste with their plans to reincarnate the legendary Kurt Cobain, but this week a few people were not too impressed by such blatant blasphemy. Since its launch, former Nirvana band members, and even Cortney Love, expressed their vengeance towards the image of a ghostly Cobain singing You Give Love a Bad Name. Shame on you Activision, although I find the possibility of making Kurt sing his feelings towards Cortney a wonderfully comical endeavour, in a shamelessly tasteless fashion. But yes, shame on you Activision. Couldn’t you have waited 22.3 years?
In other news, Valve has started to fill Activision’s sacred shoes in spitting on their loyal fans. If you own an Xbox 360, then you are to be punished as they announced that some DLC for Left4Dead will only be free to PC users. As a result, this has enraged many fans of the series that have in turn started to boycott the sequel, Left 4 Dead 2. To solve this, Valve subsequently abducted a man with a beard and a podgy gentleman, i.e. the founding members, and soon made them see sense.
Of course, I couldn’t write a Week in News without some mention of Sony and their bulimic child. It seems as if they may well make a return on the vast amounts of Slim Fast that were used during its production, as the console has seen an astonishing 1000% increase in sales on launch. And as a generous free gift, metrosexual males who have been foaming at the mouth over Nathan Drake will finally be able to seek solace with a free multiplayer demo that is to be released at the end of this month.
The Japanese have scared me once again, as the alarmingly senseless Noby Noby will soon be making its way onto your iPhone – will there ever be a quintessentially Japanese game that won’t make me want to purge my innards with fear? Alternatively, I could always protest by gooing to war with them in a free new map pack for Call of Duty: World at War.
I probably haven’t set foot in a Toys R Us store for a good ten years, but there is now some possible incentive thanks to a new games trading deal that they have kindly instigated. Let’s just hope that it lasts longer than indie developer BottleRocket, who have sadly closed their doors for good. No, I haven’t heard of them either.
Because of internet geeks, nothing is immune from leaking prematurely – not even the treasured dictionary for Scribblenaughts.
That’s all folks! Another Week in News has concluded and I can go to bed (yes I probably live in a different time zone to you) ready for another fulfilling Monday morning, safe with the knowledge that you have been given your supply of weekly news to gorge on. Unfortunately, you will have to suffer the hardship of waiting a whole week until the next edition, so why not start your own blog to make the time go by faster? And don’t forget, we’re so nice that we give away nice things on a weekly basis.