To be honest – and Brock Johnson is always honest – I’m not surprised you dweebs couldn’t form a single coherent suggestion to manify the craiglist ad I posted last week. Fortunately for you, and the add’s author, I didn’t need your help to begin with. I’m just disappointed you didn’t offer me the opportunity to tear your ideas, along with your hopes and dreams, to shreds.
In fact, I was so confident that none of you would gather the courage to respond, I went ahead and wrote up my own version just moments after my previous post. I then made a point to contact Benjamin personally and make him a once in a life-time offer.
It wasn’t hard to sell him on the concept. I mean, I’m doing this guy a solid favor by taking his ad, turning it into a chick magnet, and letting him reap all of the benefits. I know, I’m awesome.
Anyway – gaze now upon the glory of my work:
What’s up broads, my name is Ben. I’ve decided to open up this ad on craigslist because I’ve already provided mind-rending pleasure to every woman in a 20 mile radius. Now, I am calling out to all the ladies of Craigslist looking for the same.
I’m currently living in a condo that I built with my bare-hands, using a broken hammer and twenty rusty nails I found while on a safari. My hobbies consist of the former, plus: skydiving, fishing for sharks, wrestling crocodiles, volunteering as a lumberjack, and running on beaches – shirtless.
Besides doing the above I enjoy watching the occasional movie. Some of my favorites are the Die Hard series, Terminator series, Delta Force series, Rumble in the Bronx, both Bad Boys movies, and anything with John Cena.
I also listen to music, but I keep that within the realms of everything masculine. You might think it’s your average everyday death metal, but my parole officer told me that I can’t listen to that anymore…after the incident. My favorite bands include Creed, Nickleback, U2, Seether, and the one and only Papa Roach.
Now that you know everything about me, we won’t have to do any talking when we meet, and we can get straight down to business. I have also provided you with a picture that resembles my current build, so you won’t faint when we meet for the first time.
P.S. I don’t really have a preference but Azn’s are always welcome.
The responses to this ad are already pouring in. I can only hope that you “literate” bastards are reading this and realizing that you all have problems that I should solve for you too. Send them to Brock Johnson, and he will share his knowledge with you.
I can make all those painful nights of crying into your pillow a distant memory.