Gamer Limit Banner

To be honest – and Brock Johnson is always honest – I’m not surprised you dweebs couldn’t form a single coherent suggestion to manify the craiglist ad I posted last week. Fortunately for you, and the add’s author, I didn’t need your help to begin with. I’m just disappointed you didn’t offer me the opportunity to tear your ideas, along with your hopes and dreams, to shreds.

In fact, I was so confident that none of you would gather the courage to respond, I went ahead and wrote up my own version just moments after my previous post. I then made a point to contact Benjamin personally and make him a once in a life-time offer.

It wasn’t hard to sell him on the concept. I mean, I’m doing this guy a solid favor by taking his ad, turning it into a chick magnet, and letting him reap all of the benefits.  I know, I’m awesome.

Anyway – gaze now upon the glory of my work:

What’s up broads, my name is Ben. I’ve decided to open up this ad on craigslist because I’ve already provided mind-rending pleasure to every woman in a 20 mile radius. Now, I am calling out to all the ladies of Craigslist looking for the same.

I’m currently living in a condo that I built with my bare-hands, using a broken hammer and twenty rusty nails I found while on a safari. My hobbies consist of the former, plus: skydiving, fishing for sharks, wrestling crocodiles, volunteering as a lumberjack, and running on beaches – shirtless.

Besides doing the above I enjoy watching the occasional movie. Some of my favorites are the Die Hard series, Terminator series, Delta Force series, Rumble in the Bronx, both Bad Boys movies, and anything with John Cena.

I also listen to music, but I keep that within the realms of everything masculine. You might think it’s your average everyday death metal, but my parole officer told me that I can’t listen to that anymore…after the incident. My favorite bands include Creed, Nickleback, U2, Seether, and the one and only Papa Roach.

Now that you know everything about me, we won’t have to do any talking when we meet, and we can get straight down to business. I have also provided you with a picture that resembles my current build, so you won’t faint when we meet for the first time.

P.S. I don’t really have a preference but Azn’s are always welcome.

The responses to this ad are already pouring in. I can only hope that you “literate” bastards are reading this and realizing that you all have problems that I should solve for you too. Send them to Brock Johnson, and he will share his knowledge with you.

I can make all those painful nights of crying into your pillow a distant memory.

  1. avatar Dr. Awesome

    Brock, i love you in a very masculine, strictly platonic way.

  2. I hope my girlfriend doesn’t decide to go looking through the Craigslist singles ads.

  3. This article is SO cash :)

    • avatar Ajpaul

      Thinking about UI as I do, the notion of QuickLook in the Browser got me werdoning: would we need a Viewer window at all? Couldn’t the QuickLook window contain In, Out, Marker and Match Frame buttons? It could save a lot of real estate .

  4. I feel a strong manly connection to you Brock, do you eat a lot of raw meat?

  5. Got a boner for Brock.

    Can you help me with my uncanny knack for blatant homosexual remarks?

    • avatar Reynita

      Ok, Lizard is just totally butuaifel. Pidge, you did such a fabulous job photographing Lizard and Brock. I love everything about your photo shoot. Excellent work, Pidge!

  6. I feel like pitting Simon, Nick, and Brock in a love bed to see what happens.

  7. avatar Auth

    was he can beat most heavyweights. If there’s 4 or 5 he can’t beat bsaeuce they outclass him, that still makes him a legitimate pro fighter. It’s not a crime to have a crapload of hype that you don’t live up to. People talk about Lesnar like he’s a terrible fighter, but there are a lot of good guys he can probably beat. I’m not trying to say he’s the greatest heavyweight out there, but I just feel like all the hate is undeserved. People are just criticizing him bsaeuce he’s not the very best, but if you lower your expectations a smidge, he’s still pretty good.

  8. avatar Jacquetta

    Hello to all, how is the whole thing, I think every one is getting more from this website, and your views are
    good designed for new users.

    Also visit my web blog … Aida Bodary

  9. avatar Dorthea

    I absolutely love your blog and find most of your post’s to be what precisely I’m looking for.
    Would you offer guest writers to write content for
    you? I wouldn’t mind writing a post or elaborating on
    most of the subjects you write concerning here.
    Again, awesome web log!

    My blog post :: Karrie Forber

  10. avatar Linwood

    It’s an awesome paragraph in favor of all the web visitors; they will obtain benefit from it I am sure.

    My web page: Hilary Kanae

  11. avatar Wilburn

    Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It
    in fact was a amusement account it. Look advanced to far added agreeable from you!
    By the way, how can we communicate?

    My web page Golda Stalker

  12. avatar Maryellen

    Wow, awesome blog structure! How lengthy have you ever been running a blog for?
    you made blogging glance easy. The full glance
    of your web site is excellent, as smartly as the content!

    Feel free to surf to my web site – samsung tab

  13. avatar Carroll

    Howdy! Someone in my Facebook group shared this site with us so I came to give it a look.

    I’m definitely enjoying the information. I’m bookmarking and will be tweeting this to my followers!

    Wonderful blog and great style and design.

    Stop by my page :: plus size belts

Leave a Reply