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BrockJohnson

All men have a calling in life. Some choose to keep Mother Nature in her place lumberjack style, while others take up the fine art of crocodile wrestling. At a young age, my prematurely descended testicles decided my fate for me – and now my life revolves around giving pleasure where pleasure is due. However, not every man has the goods to be like me. In fact, very few have earned the most important tokens of manliness – chiseled abs, rock hard pecks, and overwhelming bravado.

So, it’s my duty as the manliest of all men to drop some knowledge on every one of you joystick rubbing, cosplay dressing dorks – and that’s exactly what Gamer Limit brought me on to do. My man-vice is going to be the best thing that’s ever happened to this website, and its readers.

I thought I’d begin by taking a break out of my busy life of driving fast cars and having sex with beautiful women to choose an apprentice of sorts – some lucky chump on whom I would bestow my knowledge and experience in the field of manliness.  During my daily rounds on craigslist.com I came across this embodiment of hopelessness. I’d say he fits the bill quite nicely.

http://oklahomacity.craigslist.org/cas/1352816834.html

Honestly, I had to take a shower after I read this.  Let me break down what’s wrong with this catastrophe.

  • “I don’t want to brag, but I am without a doubt the best paladin tank on Madoran.”

The only “Tank” Brock Johnson knows can bench 350. Also, WTF is a Madoran?

  • “…I distribute justice, manage recruiting, schedule assaults on the horde (For the Alliance!!!), and plan all raids.”

Brock Johnson distributes luv, manages broads, and schedules long nights with beautiful women. Furthermore, Brock Johnson allies with no one.

  • “…I’m on a burning crusade to accomplish my first with a lucky Azn lady.”

Brock Johnson’s burning crusade resulted in emergency medical attention and he had to ride the pine for 3-4 weeks.

  • “…I have to assist them in day to day living by taking out the trash and doing the dishes.”

Brock Johnson doesn’t have a problem taking out the trash, but he does not do dishes.

  • “…I’m working on writing lore for Blizzard Entertainment and I’m sure my fan-fiction will get me in.”

The only lore worth writing is Brock Johnson’s autobiography.

  • “I’m looking for…Azns…kinda like the girl from Kill Bill – the one that was azn and wielded the sweet deadly yo-yo morning star. I would also be interested in any girl that looks, or sounds, like an azn…or Lucy Liu.”

Correct.  Azn’s are super hot.

It is my duty, as Gamer Limit’s new relationship expert, to pass along my natural talent to this lucky bastard. But, to make this more fun for me, and give you bored motherf****** something to do, I’ve decided to let you help.

My first plan is to manify this ad and get this loser networked. So, whatever stupid ideas you wanna share – I more than likely won’t use any of them – get them in that comment box so I can have my broads read them to me. And, don’t stop there.  I have a job to do and I know that my avid reader base has some stimulating questions they’d like to share with the master.  So, feel free to ask me whatever you want, either via the comments section, or at my e-mail: manofthecentury@gamerlimit.com.

  1. I can’t wait to see what type of relationship advice Brock dishes out!

    • avatar Fati

      Eki16sava? altunba? john cena bile 96 bence bu oealvrl’? haketmiyor bide fcstelik cheer olarak oyuna kaydedilmi? ama yeni df6vmelerininde eklenmesi ve f6zellikle f5 hareketinin yenilenmesi gfczel olmu? HERE COMES THE PA?N.!

  2. Brock I wish I could be more like you!

    • avatar Nixon

      I’ve recently setartd a web site, the info you offer on this web site has helped me greatly. Thanks for all of your time & work. A physicist is an atom’s way of knowing about atoms. by George Wald.

  3. Damn right Asians are hot. Thanks to me, of course.

  4. This is going to be the coolest thing that ever happened.

  5. When did GTA4′s Brucie get a writing job here?

  6. avatar help-im-swiss

    you’ve replaced chuck Norris as my hero and he can slam revolving doors.

  7. You remind me oh so much of Tucker Max.

    I hate you.

    But I think I’m in love with you.

    In a totally gay way.

    • avatar Miguel

      #random: reminds me of my all-time faotrive song by The Five Stairsteps: ooh child’ if u all don’t recall it Tupac had it in his song Keep Ya Head Up’ (also a faotrive)

    • avatar Romanchurumbel

      I like what you guys are up also. Such smart work and reporting! Keep up the sueprb works guys I have incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it will improve the value of my website .

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