[Hello and welcome to another stupendous edition of The Week in News, your weekly resource of gratifying gaming news kindly sewn together by Gamer Limit.]
Ideal for the lazy man within us all, The Week in News documents every piece of notable news over the past week into one compact article. Contrary to what the title may lead you to believe, this article does not contain graphic violence or nauseating nudity, but may contain sarcasm.
Urgently in need of your weekly fix of gaming news? Come and get it after the break.
Anarchy in the UK ensued this week after some legal loophole led to the UK classification laws to be virtually obsolete. What this means then is that scores of underage minors will be able to murder prostitutes in GTA and suffocate victims with plastic bags in Manhunt without jurisdiction. Result!
More boring legal news now, as it seems that Evony, an online based strategy game which I have duly avoided, took the law into their own crusty hands by suing a critic who dared to vocalise the fact the game is a steaming pile of very nasty faecal matter. Good luck with that.
Crime was also on the rise this week after the hype train for the next instalment of the GTA 4 DLC, The Ballad of Man Loving Tony, started rolling after some teasing screenshots were revealed, along with the announcement of an upcoming trailer for next month. But because Microsoft flashed their dollars to Rockstar, Playstation owners will never likely be able to play it. Sniff.
But wait! There is compensation abound, as GTA: Chinatown Wars is coming to the PSP, but some initial screenshots revealed that it will be an almost parallel port of the DS version, devoid of the shiny 3d graphics we were expecting from the capable PSP. Thanks again for that.
We all know about the PS3’s battle with bulimia, but this week Sony have been further showing off its new found body to the world through some truly, yet traditionally, bizarre advertisements. The Japanese really do completely and utterly terrify my inner soul. Hasn’t the poor PS3 Bulimic been through enough? Well, fortunately, adverts that were found on the other side of the pond turned out to be more, well, normal, and actually showed that Sony can adopt a sense of humour from time to time. They weren’t laughing upon the realisation that the Bulimic one may well struggle to make a solid profit, however.
Microsoft on the other hand has dropped the price on the Xbox Elite without having to subject their child to a rigorous dieting regime, but is consequently sending their other child, the Pro, off into care, never to be seen again. This is because the life expectancy of an Xbox isn’t too great you see, although Microsoft were keen to encourage you to believe otherwise. Oh, and they also bribed Megan Fox to pretend to be interested in games as she subjected herself to an onslaught of acne ridden online players in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. You have to wonder how many video chat requests she received from antisocial outcasts who wanted to view her balloons through their spectacular spectacles, though.
Activision was at it again in their pursuit to milk their cash cow, but this time they have spilt it onto the living dead. In an unexpected twist, former grunge legend Kurt Cobain was reincarnated, just to make them money. Thinking about it, is that really ethical? Speaking of resurrections, EGM magazine has also risen from the dead.
This week also saw the usual influx of release date announcements, this time for the likes of MotorStorm: Arctic Edge, the Pixar esque Ratchet and Clank Future: A Crack in Time, Kings of Fighters XII, the insufferably adorable Eyepet and an announcement for some new multiplayer content for Red Faction: Guerilla. But let’s not forget the trailers – we had an assortment of Need for Speed: Shift videos and a new trailer for Tony Hawk’s Ride to boot.
America’s Dumbest Criminals has a new star to make fun of, after someone who likes Madden NFL 10 a bit too much paid Gamestop a fleeting visit.
That’s it for now, but be sure to tune in with me again next week as, once again, nothing will be safe from my rapturous wrath. Until then, keep reading Gamer Limit because we’re lovely and stop at nothing to bring you community spotlight – have your say by making your own blog!