Gamer Limit Banner

scbeta_header

Lately I’ve been suffering from an unhealthy obsession with Starcraft 2. The affliction came to a head a few weeks ago when I wrote an article listing the 20 things I’d do for a Starcraft 2 beta key. I held no punches – I offered to give up my firstborn child,  finish development of Duke Nuke’m Forever, and even divide by zero.  A few days later, Blizzard Entertainment attempted to call my bluff by e-mailing the following taunt:

“When we were checking out your site, we noticed one of your writers, Josh Quinnet, posted about the 20 things he would do for a beta key.

So, if you would like to give him a key, we would like photographic evidence of the following:

Josh eating a grapefruit covered with Jif peanut butter while watching Flavor of Love with his StarCraft II tattoo showing [drawn of course...]. Both seasons would be preferred, but I guess we could settle with season 1. And please let him know that pie is indeed better than cake.”

Well, Blizzard. Challenge accepted.

1. The Pledge

items

I’ll admit, it wasn’t easy. As stated in my 20 Things article, I don’t even like grapefruit, and Jif is like poison to me. Also, two seasons of Flavor of Love?  It was clear that both my health and my sanity would be in jeopardy,  but I’m not one to back down from a challenge. Note the container – that’s 28 ounces of extra crunchy. I’m not screwing around.

2. The Turn

spread

This is the point where I started having second thoughts. Have you ever tried to spread crunchy peanut butter on citrus fruit? Its not easy – nor is it appetizing. Flava Flav was already making me nauseous – this gruesome sight nearly pushed me over the edge. I decided to take a twenty minute break and allow Dustin Browder’s soothing voice to relax me via Battle Report #3. Dustin, if you’re reading this – you are my force field.

3. The Prestige

toblizz1

The battle report reminded me what I was fighting for. I turned the volume up on Flav, gave my best Peter Moore pose, and took a massive chunk out my disgusting adversary. I won’t go into detail regarding the horrid combination of tastes and textures that overcame my senses but I will tell you this: It was not delicious, and it would later do terrible, terrible damage to my digestive tract.

There you have it, Blizzard. Me, eating a peanut butter covered grapefruit whilst watching Flavor of Love. The Starcraft tattoo is clearly a quick Photoshop job, but I believe it’s within the confines of our agreement. I’ve held my end of the bargain – now how about that beta?

Oh, and cake is much better than pie.

  1. Awesome, true dedication to the cause shown here. Starcraft FTW!!!

  2. The fact that Blizzard responded to us by mentioning your “Things I Would Do” article by name speaks greatly about their character as a company.

    Nice follow-through!

  3. Fair play to you Josh!

    Think Blizzard will play for the counseling its gonna take to get you over this?

    Or will a beta key suffice?

  4. That’s true dedication. Ugh. :)

  5. The devotion here is undeniably admirable!

  6. You better get that key… Good luck :)

  7. Man…you’re my hero, for at least 24 hours. Nicely done!

  8. avatar Sara.

    I desperately hope you did not wash it all down with that Bud Select.

  9. Nice work, Josh. Thank god you can still drink on weekdays before noon!

  10. avatar cy

    You Sir definitely deserve the SC2 beta key!!! just dont forget to do write-ups on how the Beta is going and strats

  11. Blizzard reads Gamer Limit; how cool is that? It’s like mingling with celebrities!

    … Do you think they read my blog too? Oh no! I’d better start saying nice things about them, starting now!

    Blizzard is the weakest of the ice spells, delivering enough frosty damage to kill few foes stronger than an Imp. Even when facing a fire-based enemy, you’d have better luck with a standard “Attack” than wasting 5 MP on Blizzard. Defending would be a better option. Hey, it’d be more useful to change rows with your character than to waste a turn casting Blizzard. Ugh, Blizzard. Also, how’s Starcraft Ghost coming along?

    Maybe this wasn’t even Blizzard, and was in fact just a guy SAYING he was with Blizzard. I guess we’ll see if and when Josh gets that beta key! Anyways, thanks for the support Blizzard! Please come again.

  12. avatar jack

    this just in Korea has just sold record numbers of grapefruit and peanut butter.

    Huh wonder why that is?

  13. avatar blasphemy

    I don’t see you eating it all I see you doing is putting it towards your mouth.

  14. I honestly think the worst part of this was having to watch anything on VH1.

  15. avatar me

    what an ugly white controller on the table. wrong consol mate!

  16. @blasphemy
    I have some shots of the post-bite grapefruit, but I’m afraid they’re not exactly “posting material”.

    If Blizzard doubts that I actually ate it, I’m going reply again with video.

  17. avatar Emyrs

    sure looks like an orange and not a grapefruit… but ::shrug::

    good going if you get a key.. i think my chances are right around nil for an opt-in code… ::sigh::

  18. avatar Zahar

    Oh gosh, he got it so easily!

    If at least he had to BATHE in peanut butter in a public fountain and then be licked clean by a pack of labrador dogs or something… I’d gladly do something like that for my key.

    Anyway, gratz man, remember to upload EVEY SECOND of it on youtube for us mortals :P

  19. I feel sorry for the person to use a toilet after you :)

    Hope you get the beta key!

  20. avatar Anonymous

    Haha, that’s hilarious. The guys over at Blizzard are awesome.

  21. Utterly brilliant. I find myself curious to know what i actually tastes like… hmmmm. Actually, no!

    Well played, Josh!

  22. avatar Blizzard ftw!

    The blizzard staff is probably as cool as google staff!
    excerpt from Google chrome incognito:
    Going incognito doesn’t affect the behavior of other people, servers, or software. Be wary of:
    Websites that collect or share information about you
    Internet service providers or employers that track the pages you visit
    Malicious software that tracks your keystrokes in exchange for free smileys
    Surveillance by secret agents
    People standing behind you

    There are probably going to be huge amounts of easter eggs involving grapefruits, peanut butter, homeless guys with free beer and broken promises about donated children… YOU DONT i mean DO DESERVE BETA SCII! Give em positive feedback!

  23. avatar figi72

    so what is the key

  24. avatar hey

    blizzard should make the challenge a pre-requisite for all beta players (to get their key) then they could all share that bond you only get from going to war… or eating jif on grape fruit while watching flav…… Heck, I’ll eat a bloody grapefruit with jif for a cd key, but i don’t think i could bare to watch flav.. oh, and the comment “this just in, jif and grape fruits selling like hot cakes in korea” that is some funny stuff man….. its funny cause its true.

  25. avatar Google?

    Do not compare Google with blizzard… GOOGLE sells your information to the U.S. Government and baught youtube and silenced the freedom of speech there… Blizzard rocks, Google is garbage.. the very thing that made computer geeks flock to its search engines has been compromised.

  26. avatar ComputerDruid

    Ah, but the cake is a lie.

  27. avatar Alex

    Xaxaxa ! Respect !
    So, what’s up man ? Did you get a beta key ?

  28. avatar jrod

    I would f an grapefruit and then eat it … i want a key that bad

  29. avatar jrod

    I would make love to a grapefruit and then eat it with nut butter if it would make a beta key show up

  30. This is the most epic thing ever.

  31. avatar Wolfie276

    Hahaha nicely done, BLIZZARD FTW!

  32. avatar Jessica

    ill sell it to you for 200 bux lol

    • avatar Rona

      etzel33 on April 15, 2011 If the wind stops and sratts coming from the other direction, what happens? Does the blade start rotating backwards? This might happen if during an extended lull.

  33. avatar Wiser

    This is pathetic…You do realize that the Blizzard representative(s) are treating you like an animal right?
    No, this is not epic or good on Blizzard’s company character…

    Wtf is wrong with you people…Christ, stop being brain dead.

  34. avatar Wiser

    Wtf is wrong with you Josh Quinnett?! Your level of devotion is more disturbing than amusing and the fact that Blizzard humored your behavior… Too many Company’s break Humanitarian Laws to make a profit, this needs to be stopped. Something is wrong when a grown man would do the bidding of a Gaming Company just to receive access to the beta testing gameplay. The sad part is that nobody here has actually realized that Josh Quinnett is being treated like a dog.

    • avatar Leslye

      Has anyone docneeutmd which banks offer 2FA? I keep a major account at E*Trade partially because they offer a token. And watched with amusement as they almost went out of business last December. When that drama was unfolding I looked around at other banks and had a bitch of a time determining who offered and who didn’t.

    • avatar Mesut

      The Zune concentrates on state a Takeout Media Participant. Not a web boserwr. Not a gamy organisation. Maybe in the upcoming it’ll do regularize outstrip in those areas, but for now it’s a marvelous way to deal and pore to your penalization and videos, and is without someone in that item. The iPod’s strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those valid author compelling, perhaps it is your person pick.

  35. avatar Cyber_Donkey

    It’s not like he’s cutting himself, or taking a poop on the front lawn, he is just degrading himself alil for people’s enjoyment…What is the difference between him and all the actors and actresses on TV and in movies? he is getting paid, and they are getting paid…and alot of them to much worse things than what he is doing…you’re just mad because you don’t get a Beta key!…Since I defended you Blizzard…I get a Beta Key right?!?!?!!?…lol

  36. avatar Anonymous

    @Wiser

    Too many Company’s break Humanitarian Laws to make a profit? They gave him a free beta key. How is this a profit?

Leave a Reply