Okay, I can only speak for myself when I write this; but drinking is awesome. Drinking is even more enjoyable when you are with a group of your buddies, all laughing and making jokes about penises in your intoxicated state. What could make this scenario even better? The answer is videogames; however some games are far better suited to drunken people than others. Not only are they more fun to play when drunk, but they can lead to hilarious situations often involving injuries such as broken bones or a Wii-Mote in the bum.
I’ve spent some time mulling this over and thought up some games which should be inducted into a new gaming genre: the Drunk and Dangerous genre. Check them out inside!
First things first is Guitar Hero/Rock Band, and I’m struggling to think of why I should even write a reason for this, isn’t it obvious? A drunken gamer will struggle with the 5 buttons on a guitar shaped controller immensely; I can tell you that when I’ve tried it, it has taken the full will of my mind concentrating on it.
Once you get the hang of the controller you still have the scrolling blocks of colour shooting at you on the screen to deal with, for some this is just too much; causing spasms and vomiting all over the console. That’s never a good thing.
I’ve covered the guitar, but drums and vocals will offer the same kind of confusion and horrible Gameplay. Drumming will be loud and obnoxious, often missing every note completely unaware of the levels of suck you are bringing to the table. Vocals are just horrible to listen to, whining, slurring and spitting into a microphone while others look on in disgust. Stay away from the mic if you’re wasted, and definitely keep your distance from the karaoke games like Singstar and Lips; with which your only option is to try and read the lyrics and make it through without embarrassing yourself.
Next up is the Wii. That’s right; the ENTIRE console is dangerous for drunken people. Not only are you going to make a fool of yourself, but you are a danger to yourself and everyone else in the room. Swinging around a hardened remote like a baton while stumbling around is funny to watch, until you get cracked in the side of the head. Wii-Motes go flying, people cry and before you know it a perfectly fun night is gone to waste.
Wii Sports alone can be the worst or the best game on the Wii (depending on how you look at it), bowling, golf, baseball, tennis and boxing are all bloody dangerous, especially seeing as the wrist straps for the Wii are mediocre at best. Luckily enough Nintendo have released those plastic safety condoms for your Wii-Mote; made specifically for gamers who like getting hammered. It’s for your own protection.
Not only is the Wii-Mote a formidable weapon in its own right, but Nintendo actually gives you extra plastic bits to add on. Maracas, tennis rackets and even pool cue extensions make a simple gaming controller more and more dangerous. If the Wii is drunken fun, think about how crazy Microsoft’s Project NATAL could be! I bet no one has tried it drunk yet.
Last but certainly not least is the king of drunken games: Dance Dance Revolution. I don’t think anyone can disagree with this decision. It has all the ingredients for success: a slippery and inaccurate floor mat, fast paced and loud music, flashing lights that make your eyes burn and of course, jumping around like a fool. First and foremost, NEVER play this drunk at an arcade, as you will surely be kicked out and ridiculed.
You don’t want to be known as the DDR kid (Drunk Drunk Revolution) in that arcade, do you? Even playing at home remove all breakable objects from the vicinity because when you inevitably fall over you’re going to grab for something sturdy; however when drunk a Ming vase looks as sturdy as a marble pillar, so be careful.
I’ve played DDR drunk and it make you want to vomit all over the television, the game is so in your face at times you feel like you want to die. I ended up on hands and knees feebly pressing the floor mat with my hands barely looking at the screen out of fear my eyes would burn. It’s like looking at the sun.
Anyway back to business, those would happen to be my favourite drunk games; besides Street Fighter (my skill increases exponentially when I’m wasted). What are your favourite games to play when drunk? If you come up with enough new ones I’ll try them all and write up a “Games to get drunk to… 2!”. Plus it’s an excuse to drink some more!
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