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good“Hey guys, how’s it going?”….. silence. “Anyone there?”

Ladies and gentleman of the gaming world, please say hello to Mr. Cheerful Casual Gamer. If he’s lucky there will be another cheerful casual gamer in the lobby.

“Hi there friend, where you from?” Looking for more than just a fragfest and a high score Mr. Cheerful Casual Gamer has just ‘popped online’ for a ‘quick game’ and wants to have a chat while in the lobby waiting for the game to start.

“I’m from Pleasantville” replies Mr. Never Been Online Before.

“Will you guys shut the hell up.” Mr. Grumpy interrupts. Mr. Grumpy often expresses his distaste at mild mannered conversation and will swiftly attempt to stamp out the flames of happy feelings for those who are unfortunate enough to be in a good mood in his lobby. Oblivious to the intensity of Mr. Grumpy’s feelings of contempt Mr. Casual Gamer might try to continue with the chit-chat, and why not? He reasons, there are 55 seconds until the game starts.

“So, Pleasantville huh? Nice, I hear the weather there is real nice at time of y…”
“Oh my gaaaaaawd! No waaaaay! How did you get to like level fifty?! That is sooo cool. I wish I was level fifty” interrupts young Master Hyper-active Squeeky Voiced Boy. Young Master Hyper-active Squeeky Voiced Boy won’t be looking for an answer to his question as his attention span is far too short to wait, “I’m amazing at this map, i’m gonna like totally kick your asses at this…”

“I don’t think so,” replies someone else.

Mr. Plays it Properly doubts everyone else’s chances of beating him because he is setting up a new class for the game, using only authentic weapon layouts and skills that ‘properly reflect the true grittiness of war.’ His strategy and tactics (taken directly from the Marines Handbook) will help him win the day.

“Oh yeah? I will, I’m gonna kick your ass so har…. WHAT? WHAT MOM?! O.K I’ll be there in a minute, just one more game! Oh man, no way, just one more, then I’ll eat….. ok…”

Young Master Hyper-active Squeeky Voiced Boy has disconnected…

“Thank god for that,”  sighs a relieved Mr. Grumpy, staring dejectedly at the countdown clock, 35 seconds is going to feel like an eternity to him.

Scorchios54 has entered the game…
Diamond Essechi has entered the game…

“Eeeeeey ceracha ehio mummbly mummbly eh?”
“Waaaa ha ha, es se ciro del bumblebastiones!”

“What?” Asks Mr. Grumpy.
“Treso mummbly, wacka del mistiro mummbly blah blah Sniper Rifles-es” continues Mr. Random Language
“Oh my, will you shut up?” requests Mr. Grumpy, feeling very grumpy.
“Hey mister, why don’t you go and +++vile insult removed+++” retorts Mr. Learned Insults From TV (a long time friend of Mr. Random Language possibly).


Mr. Grumpy doesn’t want to be grumpy, but he has heard it all before and dearly, sincerely, passionately just wants to get on with the game. He can feel his blood begin to boil, he knows he is reaching Uber Grump levels of stress (not helped by the fact it is 4am where he is) but notices the countdown timer has reached 2 seconds and decides against becoming Mr. Rage. The rage subsides. Mr. Grump begins to wonder why he gets so worked up.

Waiting for response…..
Waiting for response…..
The host ended the game….
Returning to lobby…

Countdown until game starts 2 minutes…

Mr. Grumpy experiences a manifestation of pure rage. Anger wells up into his blood stream, his veins pulse with pure venom… he fights to control it but one spark could ignite his wrath.

Stone Island Stoner69 has entered the game…

“Whoa, I’m wrecked, I’m serious, I’m so trashed man. I’m like, seriously. Man. Phew.” Mr. Drink and Drugs treads clumsily on thin ice as he enters the lobby. Ignorant of the wall of hatred around the corner.

“Oh great! Well done man! Aren’t you cool? You are so cool, I would LOVE to meet you, I wish I was you.” Mr. Grumpy is stopped in his tracks and a strange and unfamiliar feeling edges cautiously into his mind, he is vaguely amused. Mr. Sarcasm might just have saved Mr. Grumpy from losing his temper and earning himself some complaints for profanity and abuse.

“Hey, thanks man…. I am kinda cool” Mr. Drink and Drugs fails to register a hint of understanding of the sarcasm.

“Hi, where are you from?” asks Mr. Cheerful Casual Gamer.

“I’m from the moon man, the fricking mooooooon.”

“Your mum is from the moon.”

A surprise sniper round of precision antagonism blasts out across the lobby, echoing like a rumble of thunder in an empty warehouse. The insult comes so swiftly that it is gone before anyone can even see whom it came from. It is a new voice and the silence that follows it is eery and full of barely suppressed nervousness, trepidation fills the lobby, who is this newcomer? Is he wit personified? Will his insults humiliate all who stand before them?

Nobody dares speak.


Except of course Mr. Drink and Drugs  ”Oooooh yeah? Well…. your mom is like….. soooo, man. Yeah, she’s ugly. U-G-L-Y! Man, I’m wasted”

“You’re an idiot and I did rude things with you mother and sister” another piercing, withering insult slams into Mr. Drink and Drugs. Unable to think of a reply and unable to ascertain the identity of his new nemesis Mr. Drink and Drugs turns on the first name he reads. Unfortunately that name belongs to Mr. Suppressed Rage (the gamer formerly known as Mr. Grumpy).

“Hey you, your gamer tag name is pathetic” he slurs, followed by a questioning of Mr. Suppressed Rage (the gamer formerly known as Mr. Grumpy)’s sexuality.

Game Start…

Mr. Grumpy snipes Stone Island Stoner69 -= TEAMKILL =-

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