As with any day in your life, you become hungry at some point. Commonly you’re hungry right in the morning, which you satiate with 3 ½ bowls of Lucky Charms, then again at lunch with last night’s leftovers, then again at dinner time. However, what happens when you have a game controller gripped firmly in your hands when you feel the rumble pack in your stomach start going crazy? This is my plea for more foods to be made with us gamers in mind.
First of all, let’s go over some of the basic ‘don’ts’ of gaming foods. Nothing can be covered in cheese flavor powder, as this results in sticky, orange controllers. Nothing can require cutlery, unless you are adept at playing Resident Evil 5 with one hand while spearing at a salad. Never anything scalding hot, because you are only one frantic quicktime event from having 3rd degree burns where it counts. And by no means ever use actual plateware, because that means you’ll ultimately have to clean that dish, and that could be time better spent grinding.
So what we’re looking for here is a clean, hands free, room temperature or lower food that has easy clean up. Food companies shouldn’t bother inventing any sort of trough-peripheral either, as such “EZ-Bake Oven Hero” equipment would collect dust next to our plastic instruments. Also, forget anything with ranch or nacho cheese flavor, as it’s been done to death. No, we need some original tastes like “Pepper Salmon Sushi” or “Lamb and Mint Jelly” for our more distinguished palates.
I guess what we’re left with after all this rigmarole is something that we can touch without it being too hot, doesn’t take up space, doesn’t require clean up, and doesn’t force us to take our hands off the controller. I believe the problem has solved itself, fellow gaming enthusiasts.
Yes, the answer to our dreams is an edible controller. Coming soon in “Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Brown,” and “Spaghetti and Meatballs Red.” Yum.